By Shalom Samuels and Connor J. Toth
In a development that has stunned GW Law’s student body, Nota Bene Editor-in-Chief Connor J. Toth was mistakenly added to a secret faculty group chat discussing how to prevent the proposed Public Interest Journal from ever becoming a reality.
The chat, ominously titled “Ad Hoc to Make It Not Happen,” was reportedly created by faculty and administrators concerned that a journal dedicated to public interest law might actually materialize, setting a dangerous precedent of students thinking they can organize around something other than demanding more foresight in planning Barrister’s Ball.
“We just can’t have these students getting ideas.”
Toth, who only realized the gravity of the situation after receiving a GroupMe notification, leaked excerpts confirming the kind of behind-the-scenes machinations normally reserved for episodes of Succession. The only reason he knew it was an authentic message chain was that their plans were later adopted at a faculty meeting. Here is one excerpt:
Robin J.: “Ok, so how do we make it go away? Asking them to stop nicely feels… off-brand.”
Mark S.: “Didn’t we just give them new scholar designations?”
Steve: “Can we tell them we already have a public interest journal? Like, maybe they just haven’t heard of it”
J.B.: “No, they’ll Google it. Tell them it was sent in an email, they’ll never find it! Lol”
Daniel P.: “I fully share your loathing on law student free-loading. It’s PATHETIC! But, @J.B. is right — they do have access to google”
Robin J.: “What if we, and hear me out, just change their journal to a student club? No funding, no recognition, no problem.”
🐈Joan🐈⬛: “I love that energy. But how do we stop Nota Bene from covering this?”
“Wait, who the fuk [sic] is in this chat?”
The revelation that Nota Bene’s editor-in-chief had been reading along in real-time came when a well-meaning admin tagged “@CT🗞️” in a message. The following is the conversation leading up to the realization:
D.M.: “So…do we just say we’re ‘investigating processes’ and call it a summer committee?”
Steve: “Yeah. Sounds good. Let’s make it sound real tedious so no one asks questions.”
🐈Joan🐈⬛: “Should we have the Dean of Students’ office, you know, do their thing?”
J.B.: “You mean offer donuts? Withhold funding? Or just tell them to drop out of law school entirely?”
Robin J.: “Love the creativity. Let’s keep all options on the table. What do you think @CT🗞️?”
Upon realizing the error, the chat went into full panic mode:
Steve: “ABORT!!1 DELETE! This chat never happened.”
Mark S.: “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
“I was just sitting there, watching this all unfold,” Toth said. “Honestly, it felt like that scene in Mean Girls where Regina George realizes her own Burn Book is about to take her down.”
The Ad Hoc GroupMe’s abrupt reaction to realizing that CT🗞️ was Toth raised the question: if not Connor J. Toth, who did they think “CT” was? The most likely candidate? Former GW Law adjunct professor and Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, whom Nota Bene believes was added to consult on the legality of the Public Interest Journal rejection in exchange for a new luxury RV.
In a hastily drafted response, the administration clarified that the chat was merely part of an exploratory discussion on “journal governance” and “scholarly standards,” which somehow, inexplicably, required stopping students from even attempting to start a journal.
Meanwhile, organizers of the Public Interest Journal remain undeterred, stating, “We’re not afraid of a few faculty tantrums.” One student added, “We’ve survived 1L and the Dean of Students’ office. This? This is nothing.”
Nota Bene is continuing to monitor the situation, so stay tuned for further developments.
Disclaimer: This is a work of satire. The characters and events in this work are fictional and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental or is intended purely as satire of such persons and is not intended to communicate any true or factual information about that person, nor to disparage or harm.
